Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts

Monday, July 18, 2011

Book of Psalms 95-104 ...so that I forget to eat my bread

Psalms 95-104

We start off with acknowledgments that the person(s) that wrote these psalms still believed that there are gods other the Yahweh.  But, Psalm 96 seems to state that all other gods are mere idols and that there is only one true god.

Psalm 101 is an oddity.  It's very confused on who's "speaking", a man or God.  Am I wrong?

Psalm 103:8 has been stated several times before but I still get a kick out of it's delusional statement;
"The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy. "
Have these people not read the Bible?!?!
;-)


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Book of Psalms 85-94

Psalms 85-94

The stand out psalm in this batch is 88.  It must have been written by Job!

Psalm 93 is very short but kind of gets the universe wrong.  The Earth does move.  Quite a bit, in many different ways.

Can we forgive this error in the Bible because the psalms were written by mere mortals who knew nothing about celestial physics or do we raise an eyebrow and question how God would let this obvious error into his perfect word?
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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Book of Psalms 1-11

Psalms 1-11

I had a totally different expectation of what the book of Psalms would be.  I imagined a more pleasant, joyous praising of God, not this vengeful, "God's gonna get you sinner" stuff.
Only four of the 11 chapters in this section are violence free and even most of those chapters ask or proclaim that God should punish the wicked.

Why do I keep thinking the Bible is going to get nicer?

Also, the LORD doesn't like leasing?  Purchase only.


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Did You Find...

The limerick in the titles of the Job posts?

There once was a man from Uz
who thought that his life was a snooze
"Satan", quoth the LORD
"You seem rather bored
I've a man you might like to abuse."

A big thank you to my wife for coming up with this clever poem.  She actually came up with two.

There once was a man from Uz
who thought that his life was a snooze
Then God killed his brood
and ruined his mood
Yet he had so much much more to lose 




Anyone else care to take a shot at it?


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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

1 Kings 8-10 Politics-The more things change...

1 Kings 8-10

Solomon proves himself to be quite the politician.  He would have done well in Chicago.

The ark is brought to the temple and God unleashes his "cloud" immediately (insert fart joke here).

At the dedication of the new temple, Solomon rededicates the Israelites to The Lord.
This came off (to me) as a politician making a speech.

The Queen of Sheba shows up because she doesn't believe how great Solomon is (?).   When she sees his greatness he gives him a shitload of gold.  Could political favors be far behind?


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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

1 Kings 4-7 God's House is a Very, Very Fine House

1 Kings 4-7

Bummer my first day back and all we get to read about is about a couple of houses getting built.

My question is;  Did the Israelites/God purposefully abandon the tabernacle tent set up once they reached the promised land?  Is the "House of God", as a permanent structure supposed to represent an established nation of Israel?

Bonus question;  What is a molten sea?

Below is a 3D reconstruction of Solomon's Temple.


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Friday, April 8, 2011

Proof

I've been asked by many people over the years, most recently by commenter Edward what proof would I need to accept that the Christian god, or any god actually exists.
Well, I'll tell you, kind of.

Back in collage I took a class where religion and atheism were compared.  We discussed this question frequently amongst ourselves.  Everyone pretty much agreed that if Jesus descended from the skies on a beam of light for all the world to see that would be enough proof.  But we are taught that the lord does not work in such garish ways.  He's not going to show himself in public.  We just have to have faith.

So I thought, If god won't show himself to the masses anymore (he was constantly showing up unannounced in the OT), would he give me a "personal" sign of his existence?  If so, I'm sure he would allow me to pick my proof because I would have to know the sign beforehand so that I knew it was God contacting me.

So I set out to create a set of rules.
1) I had to rule out mental illness as a possibility so it would have to be verifiable by others.  Others would have to be able to see the sign but not need know what it meant.
2) It would have to be something  very personal.  Something only I would understand as a sign.
3) It would have to be something that occurred in the the natural world.  The sun couldn't "dance in the sky", the trees couldn't start talking and the  stars in the night sky could spell out BRUCE IS AWESOME (although that would be nice, and true).
4) I can't tell anyone what that sign would be to rule out the possibility that someone would try to trick me into believing.

I have my sign and have been waiting almost 25 years for a higher power to show it to me.
If/When I see it I will spend the rest of my life trying to convince the rest of the world that they need to praise this god as well.

Atheists, what proof do you require?  Did you believe and now you don't?  Do you have a plan?  Is mine sound?

Believers, What made you believers?  Did you have an experience that changed you?  Could you apply the above rules to your experience?    Are those rules even relevant to your faith?
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Saturday, April 2, 2011

1 Samuel 15-18 Davey and Goliath

1 Samuel 15-18

Just for fun

The LORD commands Samuel/Saul to lay waste to the Amalaks
"lay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass."
But Saul once again proves to be a lousy king when he kills all of the humans but only most of the livestock, saving the best for an offering to the LORD. 
Samuel does have a great line here, saying "Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.  Translation;  Be a good soldier and do what you're told.  Faith is better then action?
Samuel (once again) has to tell Saul he can't be king of the Israelites and sends him home to think about what he's done.  Saul of course feels horrible for not killing EVERYTHING and begs forgiveness.  It's not to come.


So now God wants Samuel to "choose" another king.  I found this amusing since God had obviously already chosen David, the youngest son of Jesse.  This is were things get very interesting and soap opera-ish!


Samuel meets with Jesse's six oldest son's but the LORD doesn't care for them.  They send for the young David and lo and behold, he's the one.  Samuel anoints him with oil and he is filled with the spirit of God, which means the spirit of God has departed from Saul, making him cranky.


Someone suggest that music will sooth him (is this where the saying 'music soothes the savage beast' comes from?) so they send for the best harp player in the land.  DAVID!  Saul loves David and asks him to stick around. David agrees.  Jonathan also loves David but that's a different story for a later time.


But, the Philistines come calling.  Their most bad-ass soldier, Goliath demands that the Israelites send out their best to face him in one on one combat.
David, who has since left Saul to feed his sheep, and who is now delivering food to his brothers, hears Goliath's taunts and decides he'll be the one to take the giant.  Laughter ensues.  


David, of course slays Goliath, cuts off his head and brings it back to Saul who doesn't seem to recognize him.  Some have pointed to this as an inconsistency in the story but  I think it's more an illustration that David has grown into his role as the future king and is ready to assume control.
The current king, Saul, is jealous and tries to bring David into the family by offering his daughters up for marriage.  Things will go down hill from there.


Another great parable.  Probably one of the best known to the common man.  How often has this story been retold in different forms?  What other civilizations have a version of this story?
The movie Achilles starts off with a David vs. Goliath moment but I don't know if that is actually in the Iliad or not.
Once again we get a humble man chosen by God and thrust into the leadership role.  Will David do better then Moses and Saul?










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Thursday, March 24, 2011

Judges 14-16 Samson aka Proto Jesus

Judges 14-16

Much like the opening of the New Testament, an angel of the LORD visits a woman and tells her she will bear a child that shall be a savior.  He'll also be a long haired hippie.
She is impregnated by someone other then her husband.  The husband seems OK with the deal.
The angel gives her some very sound advice; don't drink wine and eat well.

The difference between Jesus and Samson?  Jesus was a fairly peaceful man.  Samson is a short tempered asshole, who first thought murder and mayhem.

Samson starts off as a petulant brat, insisting that his parents get him a (nameless) Philistine woman for a bride instead of an Israelite.
His hormones ragging, he kills a lion with his bear hands!  Later the carcass of the lion is filled with honey which leads to a good meal and a riddle.


"Out of the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth sweetness."

Samson's buddies threaten to burn his house down when they can't solve the riddle.  Time to get some new friends!

His wife gives her friends the answer to the riddle, Samson is enraged and kills thirty random men (with the help of the Spirit of the LORD) to pay off his debt.

He kills, kills again, meets Delilah, loses his hair and eyes, kills again and dies.
Moral of the story?  If you want to kill a ton of people, just ask The LORD to help.

I love (actually, I'm horrified) that every few verses of the Samson story deal with him killing and destroying, yet this is considered a "children friendly" Bible story.  With A LOT of glossing over of course.







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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Judges 11-13 Jephthah, what a lousy name for a hero

Judges 11-13

Jephthah, the son of a harlot is cast out by the "real family" of Gilead, but the elders come crawling back when they need a mighty warrior to defeat the evil Ammon.


Jephthath (just rolls off the tongue doesn't it.) makes a deal with The LORD to insure victory but it comes at a pretty steep price.  His virginal, only daughter with no name is to become a burnt offering.
She's OK with the idea as long as she can still go on spring break before she becomes a burnt offering.


The Gileadites kill thousands of Ephraimites when they can't pronounce Shibboleth correctly.  I'm sure I would have died by the edge of their sword if they asked me!


BTW, why is it important that the sons, daughters and nephews of the leaders rode on ass colts?
Why is this important information but we never learn what the Israelites do to piss off God repeatedly?




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Monday, March 21, 2011

Judges 7-10 Gideon Saves the Day

Judges 7-10

Gideon, like Moses starts out as a man not ready to accept his destiny.  But, god shows him some magic tricks and Gideon becomes a blood lusting warmonger.

God wants all the credit for the killings so he sends home 90 percent of the Israelites that came to fight.  taking "Every one that lappeth of the water with his tongue, as a dog lappeth"


The enemy end up killing each other (I think).  I hope they still gave The LORD credit!


Judges quickly gets very vague about the Israelites doing evil in the eyes of the lord.  It seems like every time God turns his back, the Israelites get to whoring and Baal worship.  


I was happy to see God finally say NO MORE! at 10:13.  To bad he caved as soon as the Israelites apologized.  
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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Joshua 21-24 I Shall Call This Alter... ED

Joshua 21-24

We reach the end of Joshua.  The book and the man.
This book has a satisfying ending (a sense of completion) unlike most of the previous books we've been thru.  


The Levites get their cities and everyone goes off happy to their own little piece of the Promised Land.
21:43-45 Tells us that the LORD has given the Israelites all the land he swore unto them, but the previous chapters give us several instances were he couldn't drive out the rightful owners of the land(16:10, 17:12).  He shouldn't have over-promised.


But wait!  The children of Reuben, the children of Gad and the half tribe of Manasseh have built an alter in their land on the other side of Jordan.  Surely they must be up to no good!  The rest of the Israelites send an investigative party to find out why.  they're (rightly) afraid that God will punish everyone for the crimes of the few.
Turns out everyone was worried about nothing as the alter is for praising the LORD.


Here's a Hmmmm moment.  God asks the Israelites which of the many gods they will serve.  Him, the pre-flood gods or the god of the Amorites.
He seems to give them a choice here where, before they got to the promised land, he would have destroyed them .  Interesting.
24:15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.


We end with another recap of God mass killings before Joshua takes his final bows before the people.  


I'm curious.  Apart from the need to change the name, this book seems like it should be part of the Pentateuch.  It's a direct continuation of the story and bookends Exodus nicely.
Is the separation due only to being written AFTER the death of Moses?


Anyway, now that the Israelites are settled into the Promised Land, I'm guessing that the Book of Judges will be much more peaceful.
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Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Joshua 17-20 Where For Art Thou LORD?

Joshua 17-20

I just noticed that the LORD has no input from chapters 12-19.  He is mentioned many times but he is not directly heard from for over eight chapters.
There's nothing to read into this, only an observation.

The remaining tribes seem to resurvey the promised land and redraw the maps.   Am I right about this?

These chapters are pretty boring.  Nothing new is gleaned but I may have glossed over something in my boredom.

We end with restating of the cities of refuge.

One more day of Joshua and then on to Judges, which we'll finish in one week.
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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Joshua 13-16 And She Lighted Off Her Ass


Joshua is old. There is still much land to conquer.  How much time has passed between chapter 12 and 13?  5 years?

God and Joshua (I tend to first write Moses when I talk about interaction with God.  It's really ingrained in my brain!) discuss the borders of the promised land.

Here is a map of how the land was divided up.

At 14:7 we suddenly go to first person.  Is it Caleb speaking?  Why does he get the center stage all of a sudden?


15:63 As for the Jebusites the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the children of Judah could not drive them out: but the Jebusites dwell with the children of Judah at Jerusalem unto this day.

16:10 And they drave not out the Canaanites that dwelt in Gezer: but the Canaanites dwell among the Ephraimites unto this day, and serve under tribute.

What the heck?  God couldn't drive the Jebusites out of Jerusalem?
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Monday, March 14, 2011

Joshua 9-12 Whole Lotta Smoten Goin' On

Joshua 9-12

Joshua and the Israelites continue to kill untold numbers as they continue to occupy the Promised Land.
The only thing that stood out for me in these chapters was that God stopped the Earth's rotation so they Israelites would have enough sunlight to chase down and slaughter the fleeing enemy.  God helps out by killing the majority with giant hailstones.Nice.

Chapter 12 ends with a wrap-up of with a fond remembrance of all the kings they killed.
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Saturday, March 12, 2011

Joshua 4-8 In The Land of Milk and Honey and Bloodshed

Joshua 4-8

5 chapters today but it's a pretty easy and action filled read.

The Israelites cross Jordan and enter the promised land.  Joshua commemorates the event by preserving twelve stones (4:9), or did he (4:20)?

All young males are circumcised and the older ones re-circumcised (?)  Why did they stop the tradition while wandering in the desert?

The first thing on their agenda after stepping foot on the promised land is to continue the massacre of the inhabitants.  Jericho is first on the list.

The priests practice some psychological warfare against Jericho by blowing horns and marching around the locked up city.  It must have been pretty scary for the inhabitants.  But they didn't live in fear for long because the Israelites brought the walls down and killed every living thing inside except for Rehab the harlot and her family.

But Achan has to go and screw up by coveting.  God's reaction?  Sending a small army to Ai to get it's ass kicked.  This humbles the Israelites.

They make things right by stoning and burning Achan, his family, cattle and possessions.  Sounds reasonable.

The Israelites are then able to attack and destroy Ai (in a very clever move IMO).
The laws of Moses are once again written in stone.

Another happy ending.
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Friday, March 11, 2011

Joshua 1-3 Be Strong and of Good Courage

Joshua 1-3

New book and new leading man.  Joshua, son of Nun.  Great name for a sci-fi cowboy comic book!

After the death of Moses, the Lord changes his name to Jehovah and commands Joshua to cross the Jordan.  But first two spies are send out to recon the first city of Jericho.
They immediately go to the home of a prostitute.  At first, this caused me to raise an eyebrow but then I looked at it from perspective of the spies.  They would want to go somewhere where a lot of questions wouldn't be asked.  If you're going to a prostitute's house, people will just assume you've come into town to get your jollies (nudge, nudge).
Of course, their presence is somehow made known to the king almost immediately and Rehab the harlot makes a deal to save the spies in exchange for the sparing of herself and her family when the Israelites march in and kill everyone.

When the spies return, Joshua gives his/God's marching orders and as the priests (or the 12 representatives of the 12 tribes) step into the Jordan, the waters recede.

They're almost there!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Pentateuch: A Strange and Fascinating Library

From Brian

Sorry, this post is long. Hopefully it's useful for those jumping in midstream or those who need a refresher.

The first five books are an interesting collection of ancient literature, pieced together from at least four sources or schools of authors (J, E, P, D) to form the backbone of the Israelites’ understanding of themselves:
We begin with a three-part book, collectively called Genesis, consisting of 1. Primordial history 2. Epic of the Patriarchs 3. Novella of Joseph
The primordial history is a collection of mythology with notable parallels to much older mythological texts from the region such as the Enuma Elish, the Epic of Gilgamesh, and the Epic of Atrahasis.
We get two versions of the creation of the Earth (the ancient notion of a three-level earth with stars set in a firmament) followed by the familiar Adam and Eve story, which ends with the couple disobeying God and getting locked out of Eden. Guards are posted at the tree of life; No immortality for humans. A plant that bestows immortality is a common motif in ancient near-Eastern mythology. Enkidu is prevented from eating it by a snake in the Epic of Gilgamesh.
Cain (farmer) slays Abel (shepherd). Israelite tribal league of herdsmen = good, agriculturalist Canaanite foes = bad.
Humans are wicked. God wipes them out in a flood. Preserves Noah and his family (Utnapishtim in Epic of Gilgamesh, Atrahasis in Epic of Atrahasis) plus some animals. Let’s cut the ancient authors some slack on this one. They couldn’t have possibly known there are millions of species on the planet, nor that rainfall that would cover the mountains in 40 days would sink an aircraft carrier. . .mythology, people.
Noahide covenant: Humans rule the earth, be fruitful and multiply, just don’t kill each other or eat blood and we’re all good. God won’t kill everyone (only entire people groups as we’ll see). Hangs up bow in sky = etiology story for rainbows.
People try to build a tower to heaven/sky (parallel of Icarus and Daedalus?) God gets nervous – sky is his domain after all – and curses them to all speak different tongues = etiology story for different languages.
The OCD-plagued P source connects all the characters of the primordial history to each other and to the patriarchs with monotonous genealogies.
The epic of the patriarchs tells the stories of Abraham, his son Isaac, and Isaac’s son Jacob, the ancestors of the Israelites according to tradition. They all have infertile wives so that every conception is a miracle.
Abrahamic covenant: Royal grant model. You, Abraham, are special and I will give you and your numerous descendants the coveted land of Canaan.
God asks Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac but substitutes a ram at the last second when Abraham has raised the knife. Message – obedience is paramount, Abraham is super-dedicated, child sacrifice is . . .???
Can’t neglect the infamous Sodom story: Abraham’s nephew Lot goes to Sodom and is visited by two messengers of God. Citizens form a mob and demand that the two men be sent out for a gang-raping. Lot offers his two virgin daughters instead. They all flee, God destroys the city. Lot’s daughters get him drunk and take turns having sex with him. Yeah, this is not a PG-13 book! The children that are conceived become the ancestors of the Moabites and Ammonites: part of the family, but still incestuous bastards.
Jacob tricks his twin brother Esau out of his birthright and their father Isaac’s blessing. He also uses a superstitious notion - that what a sheep sees when she’s copulating affects the coat color of the lambs she conceives - to cheat his father-in-law (don’t get any ideas ranchers, it’s just a story). Jacob wrestles with a man, who turns out to be God, and who renames him Israel. He then reunites with his brother Esau, from whom he rightly expects murderous rage, but actually receives forgiveness.
The god worshipped by the patriarchs is a limited, anthropomorphic, and very physical one, certainly not the omniscient, omnipotent, omni-benevolent god that is later conceived of by monotheists. He is referred to by a number of epithets which are attributed to several gods of the region’s pantheon including El Elyon, Baal, and Yahweh. One source (J), however, insists that this god is Yahweh and that the patriarchs knew him by this name.
The novella about Joseph that ends Genesis functions to move the action to Egypt, where Exodus will begin. Joseph (a son of Jacob) is kind of a brat who pisses off his siblings by talking about his dreams that all say he is way better than all of them. They sell him into slavery and he is brought to Egypt, where he gains notoriety for interpreting dreams, becomes Pharaoh’s trusted advisor, and helps the nation survive a famine. Joseph invites his family to Egypt and the novella ends with Jacob foretelling the future of the 12 tribes of Israel (12 sons of Jacob).
Exodus begins with the descendents of the patriarchs enslaved in Egypt under a new, less sympathetic regime. Onto the scene steps the hero Moses, who borrows his birth story from King Sargon of Akkad (placed in a basket of rushes on a river, found by a drawer of water, raised in a foreign court) and lends the rest of his story to Michael Corleone as Bruce has pointed out.
While in exile for the slaying of an Egyptian, Moses is spoken to by a god who reveals that his name is YHWH (Yahweh), insisting that he is the same god that was known to the patriarchs, though they knew him by other names. Scholars suggest that the authors are preserving a tradition where their ancestors worshiped El, the chief god of the Canaanite pantheon, while still promoting exclusive Yahweh worship.
Moses is called to liberate his people, which he does by means of increasingly nasty plagues to break the spirit of Pharaoh. Yahweh keeps hardening Pharaoh’s heart though, and he refuses to let Moses’ brethren go, necessitating worse and worse plagues until Moses makes Pharaoh “an offer he can’t refuse” (the killing of all the first-born in Egypt).
Hebrews flee, Egyptians chase, are drowned in the Sea of Reeds. Begin wanderings in Sinai.
Yahweh and the Israelites’ honeymoon is over quickly as much of the Sinai period is characterized by mutual buyer’s remorse, with the Israelites complaining about the conditions in the desert and Yahweh being enraged at their ungratefulness and disobedience.
The bulk of Exodus/Leviticus/Numbers involves Moses going up Mount Sinai to hash out the details of the covenant between Yahweh and the Israelites.
Mosaic covenant: Modeled on the suzerain-vassal treaties used by ancient near-Eastern peoples. Lays out in detail the behavior that is expected of the vassals (Israelites) to ensure the protection of the suzerain (Yahweh). Stipulates that the covenant be written down and housed in a shrine (Ark) for safekeeping, and renewed on ritual occasions. Enumerates the blessings that await those that keep the conditions and the curses that will befall those that don’t.
Of the conditions of the covenant, the Ten Commandments are well known. Well, the version from Ex. 20/Deut. 5 are, not so much the set from Ex. 34 which have almost no overlap with the others and focus solely on the manner of Yahweh-worship and not at all on ethical behavior. However, at this point in the narrative where Moses goes up the mountain to receive the law, this seemed like a great place for the P (priestly) source to throw in massive quantities of cultic law in excruciating detail.
Very, very, very detailed instructions are given for the building of the Ark and the tabernacle to surround it. We also get specific protocols for the many types of animal sacrifices that the covenant requires. An impressive body of civil law is given as well as a holiness code, providing the requirements of symbolic cleanliness to participate in the cultic rituals and keep this people set apart for Yahweh. Israelites become ritually impure from contact with things that are un-godlike such as reproduction and death, and must avoid things that violate the natural order/categories of things (fish without scales, an ox yoked to an ass).
The book of Deuteronomy provides an introduction to the Deuteronomistic History (Joshua, Judges, 1,2 Samuel, 1,2 Kings) and a theological lens through which to read it. It recapitulates certain sections of the law with special emphasis on the laws banning anything associated with the worship of deities other than Yahweh and mandating the centralization of cultic sacrifice and ritual dedicated to Yahweh at a place to be determined (implied: Jerusalem). Another focus is on the notion that bad things will happen to the Israelites if they fail to keep the conditions of the covenant, which is exactly how events will be depicted in the Deuteronomistic History. The end of the book brings us to the border of Canaan, ready for the conquest to begin in earnest. First, Moses has to die since Yahweh has forbidden him from entering the land (apparently for a perceived slight earlier in the desert wandering that many readers find unsatisfying).
So here we are. I’m itching to get into the promised land and meet some more Israelite heroes.
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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Deuteronomy 31-34 Moses Closes With A Song

Deuteronomy 31-34

Deuteronomy 31-34 Skeptics Annotated Bible

The final chapters of Deuteronomy are here.  We've made it thru the Pentateuch!

Moses does a little reminiscing and basically tells the Israelites that they're screw ups and will fall apart when he's gone.

God tells how he will punish the Israelites and the enemies of the Israelites.  It all kind of runs together and I had a hard time figuring out who he was mad at in any given sentence. :-/

God and Moses write a song.  Does anyone know the melody?

From 32:39-43 we get some Charlie Sheen quality ranting (I'm trying to make this blog topical and hip for the kids.).

Moses gives us a final review of the tribes and says something nice about them before God tells him to climb up the mountain and die.

The deceased Moses then writes some nice things about himself afterwards.

I hope to have a review of the first five books this weekend.  I also hope to have some guest posts up to give a different perspective as well.

We'll start the book of Joshua on Monday.
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Epiphany!!!

It just hit me;
Michael Corleone (The Godfather) and Moses share the same storyline.

1. They were reluctant to get into the family business
2. Once they did accept their role as leader of their people, they were ruthless and even family weren't immune
3. There were many that wanted to break from the family and act against our heros.  They were struck down with great vengeance
4. They both died unfulfilled

Discuss
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