Gospel of Luke 21-24 You don't say

Luke 21-24

The re-retelling of parables and end times predictions.

Once again Jesus sets up the prophesy of his death and resurrection by pissing off the powers that be and getting himself arrested

We learn that Judas was possessed by Satan before he betrayed Jesus and didn't do it willingly.
This feels like a  huge cop-out on the part of the storytellers in that it takes the human element out of the story.  Jesus wasn't really betrayed by an apostile/friend.

Jesus shares bread and wine with his followers.  Two thousand years later, some literalists believe that bread and wine blessed by a priest turns into the body and blood of Jesus.  Still, it's not as stupid as believing that if you trust in god hard enough, you won't die from a viper bite...

I need to bring up something that's kind of bugged me for a while.  Jesus tells Peter that he will deny knowing Jesus three times.  But, Jesus denies himself repeatedly when on trial!

22:70 Then said they all, Art thou then the Son of God? And he said unto them, Ye say that I am.

23:3 And Pilate asked him, saying, Art thou the King of the Jews? And he answered him and said, Thou sayest it. 23:9 Then he (Herod) questioned with him in many words; but he answered him nothing. What did Jesus have to gain by being snarky to these questions and not being upfront about his "Son of God" status?  If he said he WAS the messiah, they still would have killed him! Oh, and what the hell is wrong with Christians who hate the Jews because "They killed our Lord".  Did they not read the bible?  Are they just really stupid?  Both?  If the people of Jerusalem (the Jews) didn't call for Jesus' crucifixion, Christians wouldn't have a religion, or, more ironically, they'd be Jews themselves!!! But I digress.  Jesus doesn't defend himself in court and is sentenced to death.  He is mocked and beaten on the way so that Catholic churches would have something to hang on the walls (The stations of the cross for those non-Catholics reading this). Getting nailed to a cross is a heinous act, but I find the part where the soldiers give Jesus vinegar to drink while he's hanging there, dying to be almost as horrid.  The Romans were dicks. One of the criminals hanging with Jesus says; 23:41 ... for we receive the due reward of our deeds: but this man hath done nothing amiss. I'm guessing that a dying man nailed to a cross didn't actually say this!   Jesus dies and is taked by Joseph of Arimathaea and his maidens. 23:56 And they returned, and prepared spices and ointments; and rested the sabbath day according to the commandment. They must have missed the part when Jesus said you no longer have to observe the sabbath, or did that just pertain to eating corn? But, all is well that ends well.  Jesus comes back from the dead, is reunited with his friends, tells them 'I told you so!' and then rises to heaven.  We all live happily ever after until God decides it's time to kill all of us non-believers. The Skeptics Annotated Bible has several interesting lists of contradictions regarding the crucifixion and resurrection in the right margin.  What do you think?

Gospel of Luke 11-15 The paps which thou hast sucked

Luke 11-15

The thing that caught my attention right off was that the "Lord's Prayer" really has it's origins with John the Baptist.

Jesus doesn't feel that his mother is worth being blessed!

11:27 ... a certain woman of the company lifted up her voice, and said unto him, Blessed is the womb that bare thee, and the paps which thou hast sucked.

11:28 But he said, Yea rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God, and keep it. We are reminded that Jesus doesn't practice proper hygiene and tries to deflect criticism by accusing others of an even worse transgression. 11:38 And when the Pharisee saw it, he marveled that he had not first washed before dinner. 11:39 And the Lord said unto him, Now do ye Pharisees make clean the outside of the cup and the platter; but your inward part is full of ravening and wickedness. You can see from the exchange between Jesus and the Pharisees (11:37-54) that this relationship wasn't going to end well! I'm sounding like a broken record but, why do religious leaders live in opulence when Jesus clearly tells them not too? 12:32 Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. 12:33 Sell that ye have, and give alms; provide yourselves bags which wax not old, a treasure in the heavens that faileth not, where no thief approacheth, neither moth corrupteth. I like this line; 12:49 I am come to send fire on the earth; and what will I, if it be already kindled? We get parables and actual events mixed up.  Did Jesus curse the fig tree or was it just a parable? Luke 13:6 says; He spake also this parable; A certain man had a fig tree planted in his vineyard; and he came and sought fruit thereon, and found none. 13:7 Then said he unto the dresser of his vineyard, Behold, these three years I come seeking fruit on this fig tree, and find none: cut it down; why cumbereth it the ground? 13:8 And he answering said unto him, Lord, let it alone this year also, till I shall dig about it, and dung it: 13:9 And if it bear fruit, well: and if not, then after that thou shalt cut it down. Matthew 21 and Mark 11 tell us that Jesus damned a fig tree for not bearing fruit.  Clearly the story was mixed up over the ages. Jesus seems to tell us that even though you try to follow God to get into heaven,  you may not qualify; 13:23 Then said one unto him, Lord, are there few that be saved? And he said unto them, 13:24 Strive to enter in at the strait gate: for many, I say unto you, will seek to enter in, and shall not be able. Jesus uses sarcasm!!! I love it! 14:1 And it came to pass, as he went into the house of one of the chief Pharisees to eat bread on the sabbath day, that they watched him. 14:2 And, behold, there was a certain man before him which had the dropsy. 14:3 And Jesus answering spake unto the lawyers and Pharisees, saying, Is it lawful to heal on the sabbath day? 14:4 And they held their peace. And he took him, and healed him, and let him go; This passage has me totally confused.  Is this Jesus speaking or are we still hearing the parable from the unpopular rich man at the wedding? It doesn't logically connect to the wedding story so I'm thinking Jesus said it.  But it doesn't sound like something he'd say... 14:25 And there went great multitudes with him: and he turned, and said unto them, 14:26 If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. 14:27 And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple.

Gospel of Luke 6-10 Jesus is Elijah Spelled Sideways

Luke 6-10

More of the same from Jesus.

Did anyone (as in actual scholars) consider that Jesus, who most surely knew of Elijah the Prophet was just mimicking his act?
Healing, making zombies, exorcisms, multiplying the number of things in a container...  This stuff isn't unique to The Son of Man.

8:10 And he said, Unto you it is given to know the mysteries of the kingdom of God: but to others in parables; that seeing they might not see, and hearing they might not understand.

Sounds like Jesus doesn't want people to know what he's talking about.  Or does he consider his followers to dim to follow what he's really trying to say?

8:33 Then went the devils out of the man, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the lake, and were choked.

Jesus kills a herd of pig, destroying the livelihood of the pigs owners.  Pretty thoughtless act for the Son of God. But then, Jesus was responsible for many LESS killings than his dad!

Also, I have to admit that when I read about people being possessed by demons I find it hard to take these stories seriously.

Along the same lines of believability, Jesus talks with two fictional characters from stories in the Old Testament;

9:29 And as he prayed, the fashion of his countenance was altered, and his raiment was white and glistering.

9:30 And, behold, there talked with him two men, which were Moses and Elias:

9:31 Who appeared in glory, and spake of his decease which he should accomplish at Jerusalem. One of my favorite bits from That Mitchell and Webb Look; 9:52 And sent messengers before his face: and they went, and entered into a village of the Samaritans, to make ready for him. 10:1 After these things the LORD appointed other seventy also, and sent them two and two before his face into every city and place, whither he himself would come. I'm surprised Jesus had this many people in his service. He commands them to live humbly and only take what is offered to them for their service.  I again ask, Why do modern Christian preachers dress in expensive suits and have 'Mega-churches"?  Why does the  Catholic Church revel in ornate material objects and wear expensive clothes and jewelry? Tom gave an explanation here but it didn't satisfy my question. 10:21 In that hour Jesus rejoiced in spirit, and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes: even so, Father; for so it seemed good in thy sight. Why is Jesus happy that intelligent people haven't received the word of god, but those with minds of a child have?  I get why the wise and prudent wouldn't listen to him but for Jesus to be happy that some folks did not receive the word seems rather odd, petty and counter-productive on his part.

As an aside, I get a kick out of the Zemanta add-on that helps you with research for your blog.  It will sometimes recommend an earlier blog post of mine as a reference!  Proof that you must be very careful about what to trust on the internet!