Book of Ezekiel 44-48

Ezekiel 44-48
The last big book of the Old Testament comes to an end.  Thank Jebus!

God shows Ezekiel around the new, improved temple and then says "You'll have to use the servants entrance."

Who's this prince their talking about?

The Levites get demoted from priests to usher.  I'm surprised God let's them participate at all!
God then gives us a rehash of the rules of the game*.  It's good that he's focusing on the important stuff like justice, kindness and helping others in need.  Oh... wait.

God hates wool and sweat!

44:17 And it shall come to pass, that when they enter in at the gates of the inner court, they shall be clothed with linen garments; and no wool shall come upon them, whiles they minister in the gates of the inner court, and within.

44:18 They shall have linen bonnets upon their heads, and shall have linen breeches upon their loins; they shall not gird themselves with any thing that causeth sweat.

Wool is naturally fire retardent so God didn't want to have his priests wearing anything that would protect them if he felt the need to spontaneously combust them for an infraction, ala Aaron's sons, Nadab and Abihu.

God gives really shitty gifts;

44:28 And it shall be unto them for an inheritance: I am their inheritance: and ye shall give them no possession in Israel: I am their possession. God then parcel out land, gives more measurements and tells us how to kill and prepare his meals. Chapter 47 tells us that there is a leaky pipe in the temple.  The robot with the tape measure is worthless when it comes to repairs. And the exciting conclusion to the Book of Ezekiel?  God redistributes land to the tribes. What a lame way to end a book!  Jeez. *Great movie.  Rent it if you get a chance.

Book of Ezekiel 39-43 Bender's lame cousin Measurer

Ezekiel 39-43

More Gog bashing.  They have so many weapons that it'll take seven years to destroy them all!
And the Israelites are going to be burying bodies for seven months!
God must like the Gog (he/them/it) more than his 'chosen people' because the Gog get buried.  Lately, when God has had his own people murdered he just leaves their bodies out to rot and get eaten by the animals.
God hasn't yet come up with idea of turning the other cheek and the doing unto others slogan;

39:10 ... and they shall spoil those that spoiled them, and rob those that robbed them, saith the Lord GOD. Chapter 40-42 is officially the lamest part in the bible.  Ezekiel eats some peyote and meets a robot that measures things!  I kept reading, waiting for something interesting to happen but it never did.  You thought the description for the original temple was boring?  Ha!  I give you permission to skip this shit.   There is an important aspect to this chapter though.  The prophesy of the man with the shiny metal ass would be fulfilled in 1999.

Things get a little better in chapter 43 when God shows up in person to give more details on the house.
He points out, like Monty Hall, that Israel can own this house for the low, low price of their obedience and subjugation.  He also wants them to start cooking for the LORD again.

Book of Ezekiel 20-22

Ezekiel 20-22

You know the routine.
God's pissed and we're all gonna die.

Book of Ezekiel 16-19 Cause Jerusalem to know her abominations

Ezekiel 16-19

Ezekiel goes to the old standby of using the harlot as a symbol for Israel.  He seems to go into greater detail than the other prophets and calls out "her" indiscretions.

God gives Ezekiel a "riddle"/parable in chapter 17.  Evidently God had to keep simple as Ezekiel had the inteelegance of a third grader.

He then critiques a proverb in chapter 18.  I think it's just sour grapes.