Tuesday, May 31, 2011

2 Chronicles 1-8 Return of the Son of David

2 Chronicles 1-8

We revisit the adventures of Solomon.

Chronicles isn't turning out as heinous as I feared.  It's rather boring and lame that the people that assembled the Bible in it's currant form didn't do a better job of excising the repetitive stories.

7:2 states "And the priests could not enter into the house of the LORD, because the glory of the LORD had filled the LORD's house."

Was God gassy?

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Poll Results - Is It OK to be Takei?

35 people said YES, it's OK to be Takei (%94)
1 person said it was not OK to be Takei (%2)
1 person didn't know who George Takei is (%2)

Why doesn't that add up to %100?  ;-)

Pretty much what I expected but I was a little surprised that only one didn't know about George. I expected at least a half dozen more votes.

The new poll asks how you view the Bible.
Do you believe it's the true, inspired word of God?  A religious document used to show God's greatness but not necessarily all true stories?   An historical document of the Jewish people and proto-christians?  Or, just a collection of stories used to promote an agenda?

1 Chronicles 21-29 Big Push Thru the Mud

1 Chronicles 21-29

I know it's asking a lot , but we've read most of this stuff before.

One of the few things I've noticed, and was pointed out earlier by Abbie, was how sanitized much of the history seems.  For example, it only states that Aaron's sons, Nadab and Abihu died before their father and had no children.  Many of the slights against God are conspicuously absent.

Any way we'll start the Second Book of Chronicles on Tuesday.

Friday, May 27, 2011

1 Chronicles 14-20

1 Chronicles 14-20

More great tales of David with some begats thrown in for padding.

This line gets harder and harder for me to believe the more I read;
16:34 O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever.

Hope everyone has a fun and safe Memorial day weekend!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

1 Chronicles 8-13 Glory Days Revisited

1 Chronicles 8-13

We get to relive the glory days of David.  Until Uzza tries to be helpful.

I actually like this condensed version of King David.  It's taken all the filler out (although some of the filler was very interesting).
Do you think it's better then the Book of Kings version?

Monday, May 23, 2011

1 Chronicles 1-7 the Sister of Huppim and Shuppim

The first seven chapters of Chronicles is just begats.  Not that painful to get through.
Nothing new or interesting to report.  

Huppim and Shuppim (from 7:15) is going to be the name of my porn music cover band!

That is all.

I Found a New Gadget!

On the right side, there is a poll!

This weeks question relates to this video.

What questions should I ask in the future?

FYI: Answers are completely anonymous.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Fun Question of the Day

I'm reading Chronicles now.  It's all begats at the moment and I can skim over it so the suffering is low.

It got me to thinking.  Heaven and Hell have not been quantified yet in the OT.  So, what has happened to the cast of characters that we've read about so far?  Are they just dead and soulless since God hasn't created the rules for the afterlife?  Are they just hanging out in limbo waiting for God to open up the gates?

Will they have to accept Jesus as their savior?  How would that work?

I'm sure I could get answers to this by searching Google but  I'd rather hear from you.
Enhanced by Zemanta

2 Kings 21-25 The King is Dead, Good Riddance

2 Kings 21-25

This stuff is getting old.  I'm dreading Chronicles. From what I've seen/heard, it's a rehash of past events from the point of view of the exiled.  Third person accounts always make for an accurate history <sarcasm>.

The second book of kings ends up pretty much how I expected it to.  God hates his chosen people and they end up screwed and out of the promised land.

Even when someone does good in the eyes of the LORD (King Josiah), the almighty says 'Nice, but no cigar.  Your relatives screwed up so YOU have to suffer the consequences.'

Loving god indeed.  The is the ultimate example of an abusive relationship IMHO.

These books would actually make for good reading as a historical drama if you took all the God did this, and God said that out of it.

Anyway, we'll. at least I will suffer through Chronicles.  Quickly.  I plan on doing 5 chapters a day for 11 days and my comments will be pretty sparse.

If you don't have the stomach for it, check back in later.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Post Rapture Roll Call

Everyone still here?  If you got raptured, is there internet access in heaven?

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Book of Camping 1-5

Title inspired by Tom.

Here is a fun site (for non-believers anyway) called Prophecy Proof.
I like this part "Prophecy Proof Insights is devoted to providing readers with quality research and insights into current events and the ongoing spiritual warfare."

I know the end of the world is important to believers, but I think the Bible lays out the events for the end times with a fair amount of detail.
And it also says that no one will know when it will start so why waste your energy?

Here's a counterpoint that says the "End Times" should have already happened.  The wonderfully titled site, Evil Bible.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Is God Cruel?

This is a post to discuss God's acts of violence against man.  Are they always justified?

I created this post as a continuation of a Facebook post.

Everyone is free to comment but please use your own words.  Please don't quote the Bible or scholarly work.

May 21, 2011 Rapture

Just wanted to let people know that this site will most likely continue after Saturday's rapture.  
I'm not expecting to be taken.
For those VERY few commenters that will be raptured, thank you for participating and have fun in your new digs! 

If those of you who are expecting to be called up would like me to have your stuff, please email your address to me and tell me where you'll be hiding the valuable stuff.

The rest of you can come to a post rapture party on Saturday night (8-11) at:
960 W. 18th Street
Chicago, Illinois

Also,  check out the post-rapture excuse card!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

2 Kings 11-15 Elisha, We Hardly Knew Ye

2 Kings 11-15

These chapters are mostly a chronology of political upheaval and infighting amongst families.
To bad we don't have the book of the chronicles of the kings of Israel for the details.

Elisha and Hazael go to "sleep with their fathers".  Once again I find it odd that major characters are so quickly written out of the story.

A dead body falls on the bones of Elisha and comes back to life in the sepulchre.  One last similarity to our man Jesus.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

2 Kings 6-10

Man, the authors of the OT are just getting lazy.

Some guy loses his axe head and Elisha uses God to retrieve it.
Then we get to 6:8-6:10 "Then the king of Syria warred against Israel, and took counsel with his servants, saying, In such and such a place shall be my camp."
and "the king of Israel sent to the place which the man of God told him and warned him of, and saved himself there, not once nor twice."

Then, Elisha blinds and spares the soldiers that are ordered to bring him to the king of Syria.  Why does he spare these men when just a few chapters ago, he killed over one hundred men with holy fire because they came to talk to him?

We then get a little story about women eating their kids!  This is straight out of Monty Python and a story worthy of Axe Cop!!!

The book then gives us another one of those condensed histories, with famine and the killing of a king.

Elisha then delivers one of my favorite quotes so far in the OT.
At 9:3 we get  "Then take the box of oil, and pour it on his head, and say, Thus saith the LORD, I have anointed thee king over Israel. Then open the door, and flee, and tarry not."
Tell Jehu that he's the king and then run like hell!!!  Sounds more like a prank from a hidden camera show then the Bible.

The catch is, Jehu has to kill the Family of Ahab.  Jezebel is thrown out a window, trampled by horses and eaten by dogs.  She got off easy if you ask me.

As per God's orders, Jehu kills all seventy (?!?!) of Ahab's sons for the sins of the former king.  That sounds fair.
His bloodlust still in full force, Jehu kills Ahaziah's forty two brothers.

God is very happy with Jehu's slaughter.

Once again I'll point out that these chapters seem to be more a chronicle of politics and war and using "God" as an excuse for murdering your rivals.

What do you think?

Monday, May 16, 2011

2 Kings 1-5 The Revenging!

The above is a New English Translation version.  If the King James version is making you weep blood, try the more user friendly translation.  I'm forced to stick with the toe-crappity KJV.

Anyway, on to the second book of Kings.

When we last checked in with out hapless kings, they were alternating between worshipping and pissing off the LORD.  I'm guessing that the second book will be exactly the same thing.

Ahaziah, the king of the Moabs falls thru his roof garden (?) and gets hurt.  So, he consults a prophet, but from the wrong god.  He then tries to meet with Elijah and the prophet of the LORD kills over one hundred men because their king consulted with the prophets of Baalzebub first.  The king also dies.
BTW, Beelzebubba is a great album by the Dead Milkmen and everyone should buy it.

Elijah goes up to Heaven in a whirlwind.  Why?  Will he come back?  Very Jesus like.
Elisha is freaked out but carries on his friends work.

2:23 gives us one of those great, bizarre head scratching passages that can only be found in the Bible.
Here is a great reenactment of the event.

The Moabs cause trouble again and the splintered tribes of Israel go to battle once more, but only after Elisha has God water there cattle.

The LORD commands another scorched earth policy, telling the Israelites to kill everyone and everything.  They leave without killing everyone after the king offers his son as a burnt offering.  I'm guessing that, again, God will not be happy with only a partial massacre.

We return to the adventures of Elisha and find him performing acts that Jesus will later add to his own bag o' tricks..
The bottomless vessel of oil, raising the dead and curing leprosy.  Elisha could alos make rotten stew yummy again.

I'm going to try and add more links and videos to these posts.  This monotonous stuff is killing my spirit so I need to juice it up.

Friday, May 13, 2011

1 Kings 20-22 Once More into Battle

I thought I posted this two days ago.  Sorry for the delay.

1 Kings 20-22

Benhadad tries to bully Ahab and Ahab is ready to play the victim.  But the LORD (through a prophet) tells him to go smite the Syrians.  He does to the tune of 127,000 killed.

A prophet gets eaten by a lion for some reason.

Ahab shows mercy on Benhadad and lets him live.  God frowns upon acts of mercy and Ahab is doomed.

Ahab wants a vineyard for a garden but the owner doesn't sell.  Jezebel frames the guy for blaspheming God and is stoned.  God blames Ahab for this deed, not Jezebel.

Ahab then consults several prophets before going into battle.  Everyone tells him he'll be victorious but God tells the one negative (unnamed?) prophet to lie so that Ahab will go into battle (Ahab knows the prophet is lying but goes anyway).  He tries to hide in plain site as a common soldier but ends up as a proverbially pin cushion.

Speaking of prophets, doesn't one of the laws from Moses say that fortune tellers, psychics and witches are evil and should be killed? If so, why is he speaking through them?

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Visiting this Blog from the Middle East

I've been wondering how to approach this because it may (or may not) be a sensitive issue.

Over the last month this blog has been getting a steady increase in traffic from countries in the Middle East.  Countries that I would consider theocratic states. I also get the occasional reader from China but it's infrequent.
I certainly wouldn't call this blog controversial or subversive, but I think the discussion of a Christian holy book may be frowned upon.

If you are a reader from one of these countries, I'd love to hear from you but I understand that may pose a potential problem.

I'd like to know a few things if you would like to comment or email me.
1.  Are you able to access this blog freely or do you have to get it through a "back door"?
2.  Am I mistaken about the Islamic countries being "closed"?  Is the open discussion of other religions  OK?
3.  Are you from the country you're accessing this blog from or visiting/working there?
4.  What is your religious affiliation if any?

Again, I'm just curious.  Most of my traffic comes from the U.S.A., Canada and western Europe and the new readers from the Middle East are very welcome!

1 Kings 15-20 Confusion and then Elijah

1 Kings 15-20

Asa, Baasha, Abijam, Benhadad Nadab, Ahab.
Chapters 15-16 confused the hell out of me.  I could barely keep track of who was king, who was doing evil (basically all of them), and who was smiting who.
I like the part where the LORD likes Asa even though he didn't do everything he could to please the LORD.  It's like he was just emotionally exhausted by the actions of the people and just said "Ah, whatever.  Good enough."

But then we get to Elijah, the prophet, one of the biblical characters that is revered by all three of the Abrahamic religions.
Elijah seems to be a mouth piece for God, almost like God just didn't want to deal with humans anymore.
Can you blame him?

Elijah gets fed by birds, he raises a kid from the dead and kind of just wanders around.
We get a "battle of the gods" competition and Baal fails to show.  the LORD gets a little showy when it's his turn to front.
Elijah then has the competition wiped out but then fears for his own life when he's the last prophet standing.

We finish with Elijah finding Elisha plowing a field with 12 oxen (get the symbolism?) Elisha immediately leaves his job, pausing only to say goodbye to his parents and slaughtering the oxen (a foreshadowing of future events?).

Since we're talking about Elijah, I need to link to this SNL Sketch with Jerry Seinfeld.  One of my favorites.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Thursday, May 5, 2011

1 Kings 11-14 Wash, Rinse Repeat

1 Kings 11-14
Turns out Solomon is a slut.
All his whoring turns him away from The LORD, which makes The LORD mad (talk about a steep learning curve).  Solomon dies.  God abandons Israel and bad things happen.

Good God!  Again?!?!  Does every story in the OT end with the leader or the people turning against God?
Is this storyline going to run through the rest of the books?
When will these dense Israelites get it?

Then we get the idiot plot of Jeroboam.
How many bad choices can one man make?
This guy reminds me of Todd Stroger, former president of Cook County, Illinois.
His father,  John Stroger was the president  for many years and well liked until he passed away from a stroke.  The younger Stroger was elected to replace him  and seemingly did everything he could to screw up what his father had accomplished.

But I digress.

Jeroboam and his brother rule their respective parts and then die.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

1 Kings 8-10 Politics-The more things change...

1 Kings 8-10

Solomon proves himself to be quite the politician.  He would have done well in Chicago.

The ark is brought to the temple and God unleashes his "cloud" immediately (insert fart joke here).

At the dedication of the new temple, Solomon rededicates the Israelites to The Lord.
This came off (to me) as a politician making a speech.

The Queen of Sheba shows up because she doesn't believe how great Solomon is (?).   When she sees his greatness he gives him a shitload of gold.  Could political favors be far behind?

Enhanced by Zemanta

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

1 Kings 4-7 God's House is a Very, Very Fine House

1 Kings 4-7

Bummer my first day back and all we get to read about is about a couple of houses getting built.

My question is;  Did the Israelites/God purposefully abandon the tabernacle tent set up once they reached the promised land?  Is the "House of God", as a permanent structure supposed to represent an established nation of Israel?

Bonus question;  What is a molten sea?

Below is a 3D reconstruction of Solomon's Temple.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Monday, May 2, 2011

Things I did on Spring Break

Things on my To Do list while recovering from surgery;
1. Play my guitar
2. Read the pile of books that have been on my desk for 6 months
3. Re-watch the Firefly series on DVD
4. Visit with friends

Things I did while recovering from surgery;
1. Laid on the couch and watched cartoons for 10 days

Prescription pain killers are great, just don't plan on doing anything while your on them,

Anyway, back to this Bible thing...

Oh, and I'm WAY behind on reading the comments.  I'll try and catch up over the next few days.