Book of Isaiah 36-39 and when they arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead corpses.

Isaiah 36-39

Story telling returns.  And what incredible detail.  I guess we can thank Shebna the scribe and Joah the recorder.
Did this actually happen or is it a parable?  Regardless, the king of Assyria is pretty cocky.  Will Hezekiah win the LORD's favor?  Why would God want to help now?

Anyway, he sends an angel to kill thousands of Assyrians.  They all wake up the next day and they're dead!

37:36 Then the angel of the LORD went forth, and smote in the camp of the Assyrians a hundred and fourscore and five thousand: and when they arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead corpses. How come we don't know anything about the Assyrian god Nisroch?  I like the name and he/she looks pretty cool.  Not as commanding a name as The LORD though.

Isaiah predicts (?) that Hezekiah will die but the king cries about it and God gives him 15 more years of life.  God can be a soft touch sometimes.
God REALLY likes Hezekiah because he reverses the orbit of the Earth to prove he's on the level, adding 2.4 hours to a single day.  Almost like Superman!

The last bit confuses me;

39:7 And of thy sons that shall issue from thee, which thou shalt beget, shall they take away; and they shall be eunuchs in the palace of the king of Babylon.
39:8 Then said Hezekiah to Isaiah, Good is the word of the LORD which thou hast spoken. He said moreover, For there shall be peace and truth in my days Any ideas?

Judges 14-16 Samson aka Proto Jesus

Judges 14-16

Much like the opening of the New Testament, an angel of the LORD visits a woman and tells her she will bear a child that shall be a savior.  He'll also be a long haired hippie.
She is impregnated by someone other then her husband.  The husband seems OK with the deal.
The angel gives her some very sound advice; don't drink wine and eat well.

The difference between Jesus and Samson?  Jesus was a fairly peaceful man.  Samson is a short tempered asshole, who first thought murder and mayhem.

Samson starts off as a petulant brat, insisting that his parents get him a (nameless) Philistine woman for a bride instead of an Israelite.
His hormones ragging, he kills a lion with his bear hands!  Later the carcass of the lion is filled with honey which leads to a good meal and a riddle.


"Out of the eater came forth meat, and out of the strong came forth sweetness."

Samson's buddies threaten to burn his house down when they can't solve the riddle.  Time to get some new friends!

His wife gives her friends the answer to the riddle, Samson is enraged and kills thirty random men (with the help of the Spirit of the LORD) to pay off his debt.

He kills, kills again, meets Delilah, loses his hair and eyes, kills again and dies.
Moral of the story?  If you want to kill a ton of people, just ask The LORD to help.

I love (actually, I'm horrified) that every few verses of the Samson story deal with him killing and destroying, yet this is considered a "children friendly" Bible story.  With A LOT of glossing over of course.