Book of Ezekiel 29-33 More stuff that didn't happen

Ezekiel 29-33

I know we're not supposed to take these writings literally, but I find it annoying that God/Ezekiel continue to claim credit for the works of others.  Nebuchadrezzar, the king of Babylon will destroy Egypt and spread it's people around, same thing that happened to the people of Judea and Israel.  I'm sure Nebuchadrezzar had no intention of doing this until God put it into his head.  Right.  I don't expect the Bible to talk about the good stuff that he did during his reign but at least give him credit for the warring.

Chapter 29 has Egypt becoming a barren wasteland for 40 years (what was with these people and the numbers 40 and 7?).

29:8 Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, I will bring a sword upon thee, and cut off man and beast out of thee.

29:9 And the land of Egypt shall be desolate and waste; and they shall know that I am the LORD: because he hath said, The river is mine, and I have made it.

29:10 Behold, therefore I am against thee, and against thy rivers, and I will make the land of Egypt utterly waste and desolate, from the tower of Syene even unto the border of Ethiopia.

29:11 No foot of man shall pass through it, nor foot of beast shall pass through it, neither shall it be inhabited forty years. Didn't seem to have happened.  According to history anyway.  Sort of like the exodus. I also find it VERY funny that "the LORD" has Babylon invade Egypt; 30:25 But I will strengthen the arms of the king of Babylon, and the arms of Pharaoh shall fall down; and they shall know that I am the LORD, when I shall put my sword into the hand of the king of Babylon, and he shall stretch it out upon the land of Egypt. I'm guessing "the LORD" was the last thing on their minds during the war. I don't think there are accounts of Nebuchadrezzar saying "I'm a peaceful man.  Why am I invading Egypt?!?!  Who is making me do this?  The LORD?!?!  :-) Chapters 31-32 are repetitive.  Why am I surprised? In Chapter 33 God tells Ezekiel that the people or "the watchman" will be the ones to blame when God starts killing people if they don't take heed.  God has to kill so he's not responsible.  I believe this is a repeat of an earlier writing.

Book of Jeremiah 41-45 But they hearkened not

Jeremiah 41-45

Now, where were we?
The chase is on.

Chapter 41 reads like the police beat section of the local paper.

41:17 mentions Bethlehem.  An obvious prophecy about Jesus.

The start of chapter 42 made me laugh!

42:2 And said unto Jeremiah the prophet, Let, we beseech thee, our supplication be accepted before thee, and pray for us unto the LORD thy God, even for all this remnant; (for we are left but a few of many, as thine eyes do behold us:)

42:3 That the LORD thy God may shew us the way wherein we may walk, and the thing that we may do. I think the LORD has made his wishes quite clear over the last few hundred years!  This is a dense group of people.  They decide that Jeremiah is lying to them and they head off to Egypt to escape the invading horde.  God will be disappointed in them I'm sure. Chapter 44 has God/Jeremiah going on and on and on about punishing those that went to Egypt. We get it, they'll die by the sword and b the famine. That'll teach them for burning incense to the wrong god.

Book of Isaiah 17-20 as a drunken man staggereth in his vomit

Isaiah 17-20

Isaiah continues his rants against other nations.  I imagine him as a Ted Kaczynski type loner living in a cave, making empty threats against all those he thinks have wronged him/Israel in the past.  Damascus and Egypt are the focus for this reading.

  

Women are insulted when they are portrayed as weak creatures;

19:16 In that day shall Egypt be like unto women: and it shall be afraid and fear because of the shaking of the hand of the LORD of hosts, which he shaketh over it.

He seems to think that Egypt will become friendly with Israel and Assyria or possibly become a jewish (or christian?) nation.  Better hurry up the end of times is coming fast!  oh, and Assyria no longer exists according to Wikipedia.

That's the problem with prophesies. Those of us living here in the future have actual history to judge them against.  The key is to make a prophesy of a past event in private without dating it, wait several decades for it to be released, and then let the world think you're a freaking great prophet.

Here are some examples from my personal, handwritten journal that will be released on my 100th birthday in the year 2061;

1. In the autumn, those who follow the prophet Mohamed will cause the towers of the great city to erupt in flame.  America, the Great Satan will run in fear and confusion.  But, their wrath shall be swift and bring death and destruction to the innocent in the land of Allah.

2. The dictator of Babylon shall thump his chest and  proclaim to be invincible, but the great army of the west shall drive him into a hole.  He shall find final justice at the wrong end of an asp. (see what I did there?  I used a metaphor!)

3.  God shall exact revenge on the great island nation for the false worship of Hello Kitty.  The earth shall open up under their feet, the sea shall wash away the sinful and God's wrath shall glow and spew from their places of great power.  Microchip production maybe affected and God will cause longer then usual shipping times for the iPad.

Book of Isaiah 1-3 the LORD will discover their secret parts.

Isaiah 1-3

I almost forgot, we're doing this Bible Project thing.

Isaiah, son of Amoz gets right to the finger wagging.  He doesn't care for the Israelites handling of they're "Chosen People" status.  And he raises an interesting point in 1:9

Except the LORD of hosts had left unto us a very small remnant, we should have been as Sodom, and we should have been like unto Gomorrah.

Considering how quickly God destroyed S&G, and killed thousands of Israelites after their escape from Egypt for breaking the rules, he seems to have gone soft after they settled in the promised land.  I know he still killed lots of folks for lots of reasons but his breaking point seems to have shifted.

We also get a return to the violent retribution for not following the rules!  At least that's what Isaiah wants.  We still haven't heard directly from the big guy in quite a while.

And when is this supposed to happen?

2:4 and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more. Isaiah is a long book so lets hunker down and set our sites on the horizon.

Numbers 20-25

Numbers 20-25

God FINALLY kills Aaron for being a jerk.  Oh, no, wait, God kills Aaron because the Israelites asked for water.

God then kills more Israelites with fiery serpents but then gives Moses the power to cure fiery serpent bites.

The tribe tries passing through several lands but get the metaphorical doors slammed in their faces.  They even gets their butts kicked in a battle.
After promising (again) to stand with the LORD, The Israelites start kicking and taking names.  Moses enacts the scorched earth policy and leaves no living thing in his wake.

Num 21:35

So they smote him, and his sons, and all his people, until there was none left him alive: and they possessed his land.

About time.

I'm curious about this part.  God seems to be talking to the enemy of the Israelites.

Num 22:9

And God came unto Balaam, and said, What men [are] these with thee?

and

Num 22:20

And God came unto Balaam at night, and said unto him, If the men come to call thee, rise up, [and] go with them; but yet the word which I shall say unto thee, that shalt thou do.

Balaam sees the light and refuses to follow Balek's desire to destroy the Israelites.  My question is how does Moses (the one man who authored these books) know the behind the scenes goings on of his enemies?  I'm guessing we'll be seeing Balaam in the near future.


Chapter 25 shows us that once again, the Israelites can't go one day without screwing up God's commands.  God starts killing thousands (again) before the grandson of Aaron kills a man and woman with his spear.  God likes that "he was zealous for my sake among them".


We end with God commanding Moses to exterminate the Midianites.

Exodus 3-5 In the Land of Milk and Honey

Exodus 3-5

God comes unto Moses in the form of a burning bush and lays out his game plan to him.
But, Moses seems to be a reluctant prophet and it takes some convincing from The Lord in the form of some magic tricks.
Things don't go that well for the Israelites after Moses and Aaron talk to Pharaoh and the Israelites aren't very happy with the brothers.

My question today is:
"Why does God come up with a plan to free his people that causes them more grief?"
Bonus question:
Why doesn't God just go with genocide, like he's done in the past and kill the Egyptians?"
Extra special bonus question(s):
"Why didn't the all knowing God know that Moses did not circumcise his son?  And why would he then try to kill his chosen prophet?"

I think by now we can quite calling this God "all knowing".