Monday, May 16, 2011

2 Kings 1-5 The Revenging!

The above is a New English Translation version.  If the King James version is making you weep blood, try the more user friendly translation.  I'm forced to stick with the toe-crappity KJV.

Anyway, on to the second book of Kings.

When we last checked in with out hapless kings, they were alternating between worshipping and pissing off the LORD.  I'm guessing that the second book will be exactly the same thing.

Ahaziah, the king of the Moabs falls thru his roof garden (?) and gets hurt.  So, he consults a prophet, but from the wrong god.  He then tries to meet with Elijah and the prophet of the LORD kills over one hundred men because their king consulted with the prophets of Baalzebub first.  The king also dies.
BTW, Beelzebubba is a great album by the Dead Milkmen and everyone should buy it.

Elijah goes up to Heaven in a whirlwind.  Why?  Will he come back?  Very Jesus like.
Elisha is freaked out but carries on his friends work.

2:23 gives us one of those great, bizarre head scratching passages that can only be found in the Bible.
Here is a great reenactment of the event.

The Moabs cause trouble again and the splintered tribes of Israel go to battle once more, but only after Elisha has God water there cattle.

The LORD commands another scorched earth policy, telling the Israelites to kill everyone and everything.  They leave without killing everyone after the king offers his son as a burnt offering.  I'm guessing that, again, God will not be happy with only a partial massacre.

We return to the adventures of Elisha and find him performing acts that Jesus will later add to his own bag o' tricks..
The bottomless vessel of oil, raising the dead and curing leprosy.  Elisha could alos make rotten stew yummy again.

I'm going to try and add more links and videos to these posts.  This monotonous stuff is killing my spirit so I need to juice it up.


  1. Ahaziah wasn't king of the Moabs!

    It is confusing though.

    There were two Ahaziahs, one in Israel and one in Judah. Israel's Ahazy is barely mentioned outside his roof-falling accident. There are also two Jehorams, one which is an Ahaziah's son, one which is an Ahaziah's father.

    I'd suspect the records got garbled.

  2. @Bruce,

    This monotonous stuff is killing my spirit so I need to juice it up.

    When you get to 1 Chronicles 1-9... well i won't spoil the surprise. :-D

  3. Where in 2 Kings is a bear wearing a Yogi Bear hat?

    Great re-enactment!